"Church" people make me wicked pissed!
The weired thing about what happened to us at "St. Looney's" UMC is that when we retell it now it's like a retelling a nightmare. It's doesn't sound as bad when we tell it as it was while we were going through it. That, and it started out pretty banal. Only as I look back do I see the ground-work being laid by the betrayers.
We always had haters. That is, there was always the underground uglies whispering in the halls, after meetings, and during the mysterious phone calls. We knew shit was being thrown about and they were ripping us new ones behind our backs. And until recently we thought it was the usual suspects, people I didn't give a crap about anyway. The old crusties, those that had become hardened to the needy, the nazi's (because let's face it, those that do not care for other races coming to worship in THEIR sanctuary, they are nazi's!), the usual. We knew they were plotting against us and we took pride in it! If you're not pissing them off you're not doing God's work!
It was the true Judases waiting in the wings that really sting! And the ones who still don't realize that they are Judases, they make me so mad! I just want to send a hundred impotent, yet masterful in the art of the cut-down, letters to each and every one of them! Letters that would reduce them to a pile of weeping flesh in front of their mailboxes, while I laugh like Black Bart and twirl my mustache behind a bush across the street! Am I making myself clear?
But we're out of it now. Why do I still care? We have the most miraculous place to fall now! I LOVE our new church! They are wonderful! And we found it on a total whim...and didn't like it at first, weren't gonna go back! And now it is our lifeline! Why, then, do I still want St. Looney's to get what's coming to them? Can anyone help me with that? Why should they get to keep on hurting people and not get burned to the ground? Anyone have any wisdom to share?
We always had haters. That is, there was always the underground uglies whispering in the halls, after meetings, and during the mysterious phone calls. We knew shit was being thrown about and they were ripping us new ones behind our backs. And until recently we thought it was the usual suspects, people I didn't give a crap about anyway. The old crusties, those that had become hardened to the needy, the nazi's (because let's face it, those that do not care for other races coming to worship in THEIR sanctuary, they are nazi's!), the usual. We knew they were plotting against us and we took pride in it! If you're not pissing them off you're not doing God's work!
It was the true Judases waiting in the wings that really sting! And the ones who still don't realize that they are Judases, they make me so mad! I just want to send a hundred impotent, yet masterful in the art of the cut-down, letters to each and every one of them! Letters that would reduce them to a pile of weeping flesh in front of their mailboxes, while I laugh like Black Bart and twirl my mustache behind a bush across the street! Am I making myself clear?
But we're out of it now. Why do I still care? We have the most miraculous place to fall now! I LOVE our new church! They are wonderful! And we found it on a total whim...and didn't like it at first, weren't gonna go back! And now it is our lifeline! Why, then, do I still want St. Looney's to get what's coming to them? Can anyone help me with that? Why should they get to keep on hurting people and not get burned to the ground? Anyone have any wisdom to share?
posted by yeshua'smags at Tuesday, March 28, 2006
3 Comments:
Hey Maggie - very nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by Decompressing Faith and saying "hey".
There is so much I could say to you, but I'll try to keep it short.
I can surely sympathize with your sentiments. You'll find there are many of us out here. All our experiences are different but most of them stem from the same spirit of control or legalism.
I am glad you have found a place of refuge in your new church. I hope you find it to be helpful in your healing process.
I'm afraid my answer to your question at the end of your post is simple but nowhere near easy. God forgives us infintely, and we must trust that He knows and sees what goes on in His church families. Believe that He will, in His own time, address any issues that exist.
Our job in this process is to focus closely on what God might be addressing in US when we go through such an experience. The experience or circumstances certainly may not be our fault at all, but chances are God will use it to mold us and teach us and to create in us a greater dependence on Him and a greater intimacy with Him.
I am not saying that I am good at this self-focus. Initially I wanted to bash heads together and spew curses. In time, it has simmered down to a dull roar, though on occasion I stil do get my panties in a twit.
But the spiritual growth I have experienced through this is not something I would trade for anything, in spite of the pain.
Glad to meet you and hope to hear from you soon. Your blog can be a safe place for you to vent and share and heal.
Oh and I, too, am a Stay-home Mom...but my loonies are 9 and 6. I have passed beyond the mental-illness phase of being a Mom and moved on to the terrifying "they will be teenagers any day" phase of parenthood.
Let your inner punk-grunge girl hair down.
God bless, Lily.
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Yes there are weeds sown in amongst the wheat.
Also, the religious spirit is huge in this here USA. Those are the ones Jesus railed against were those more concerned with religious acts than acts of love toward other people.
Even those of us who try to follow hard after Jesus still sin too.
I too am glad you have found fellowship. It can be found in some mainline churches, in house churches, in churches that meet in schools, etc. Essentially what needs to be found is a church that draws its life from Jesus and his Holy Spirit.
Thanks much for your honest sharing.
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